I normally know exactly how I feel about a book once I've read it; either I like it or I don't. This book however has left me so conflicted. I could not stop reading it, but it was also so dark, bleak and at times disturbing that I didn't want to be.
The story is of a girl named Anna, who descibes herself as living in a soap bubble. She encounters and begins to get to know a boy at her school named Abel, known as the "Polish Peddler", since he sells drugs. Besides being a drug dealer, he is also the older brother of a little girl named Micha, to whom he is a parental figure and a story teller. The big fairy tale that he tells Micha (and Anna) throughout the book parallels the real life happenings in their lives.
The themes of the book are similar to the setting in which the story takes place: cold, dark, almost uncomfortable. Almost excessively so. The characters themselves, in my opinion, are quite ambiguous, in the sense that you can't even really tell yourself whether you like them or you don't.
The biggest thing that kept me from loving this book is Anna and Abel's relationship. From the beginning, we watched as curiousity blossomed into a very clearly unhealthy relationship between the two. This is what leaves me conflicted.
SPOILERS:///
As their relationships progresses, Anna finds herself at the point where she is ready to have sex for the first time with Abel, and initiates it, only for him to rape her. The scene is very heartbreaking and difficult to read. Afterwards, Anna, obviously shocked and in pain, cuts Abel out of her life. She rips up his letters, avoids any contact with him and tries to not be in any situation where he may be around. However, not much long after, she returns to him, and while there is a little hesitation at first, things carry on as if nothing had happened. As if Abel had not completely shattered any kind of trust in their already dysfunctional relationship. Which is what bothers me so much: The whole premise of victim blaming ("well, he warned me but I kept pushing him"), and how it seems that there is some kind of persuasion to forgive the rapist because of his abusive past is completely disgusting and not okay.
But then again, I think this was the point of this story. The two had a dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship from the start. Anna is NOT the strong character who will cut him out of her life and never go back. And while it was disgusting and frustrating and endlessly frustrating to read, it was realistic. And while that realism is what leaves me conflicted on my feelings towards this book, the book itself cannot be faulted for it.
Both Anna and Abel are very flawed characters whose co-dependence leads them down a dark and disturbing path. The last chapter in which Anna envisions a parallel universe in which her and Abel live happily ever after is more disturbing than it is charming. Because it further shows how flawed and disturbed her perception of their relationship was.
END OF SPOILERS://
The book itself is beautifully, almost hauntingly written. If you're looking for a romance that is uplifting and inspiring in any way, you will not find that here. The story is dark from beginning to end and while everything is neatly tied up in the end, it's not necessarily a happy ending, at least by my standards.
I would recommend this to people who are looking for something different from the typical YA novel, who enjoy a darker, more bleak story and who enjoy reading some eloquently written passages.
4/5
